It’s New Year’s Eve and Jerry’s back, baby. My resolutions for this year are to learn more magic that I already own and to buy less magic. Consider it yourself.
Today, here’s yet another fucking DFB trick. I haven’t tried this out, because this idea didn’t exist last year, but I like it a lot. It came out of a jam session with a pal of mine. Really, it’s mostly his idea. A full list of 49 items is provided at the end.
It’s January 3rd, and you’re talking about resolutions with your friend. Her idea is to read at least one book every month.
“Because I used to read so much when I was younger,” she says.
“That’s a good one. I should try that myself,” you say, pretending you don’t read that many books. You do read magic books. Not so much other books. “I haven’t decided on a resolution. Do you think you could help me?”
“Sure, do you need ideas?”
“Hell no,” you say. “I actually have too many ideas. I couldn’t stop coming up with them the other night, and now I have like 40 of them.”
“Wow. Well, why don’t you just pick one?”
“I can’t. They’re not… normal resolutions. They’re all pretty… ambitious. I don’t know what I was thinking. Like, the first one is ‘Start a revolution’. Start a revolution!?”
“What the fuck? Why not come up with a real resolution then?”
“I promised myself I would pick one of these and stick to it. I’d feel awful if I broke my vow.”
“Oookay.”
“No, I’m serious,” you say, and give a heavy sigh. “Okay, I MAY have taken psychedelics and came up with all of these during a trip, but the point stands. I won’t be able to live with myself if I don’t complete at least one. Please, please, for the love of God, help me!”
“Okay, okay! How am I supposed to choose? Show me the list.”
“I will, but I don’t want you to try to justify the decision. I know what they’re numbered, but you don’t. Help me out and just name a number. It’ll feel more real than asking a computer to generate a random number.”
“Okay, uh, 73.”
“I only have like 40 or 50 on here.”
“Alright then, 34.”
“34? 34!?” you say excitedly, as you give her the phone. “Open up my notes app and look at the list of resolutions.”
She scrolls down, and starts laughing in disbelief when she gets to item 34.
Let someone else just pick my resolution from this list.
“I can’t believe it! I was hoping you’d pick that, but… I owe you one. Oh man, holy shit! This is such a relief!”
“Yeah, yeah,” she says. “How the fuck…?”
“No, seriously,” I say. “You’ve relieved me of a great mental burden. Can I take you out to lunch? My treat.”
You know how this is done. Adapt the presentation to your own predilections.
There’s only 49 items not because I’m lazy, but because that’s a normal amount of resolutions to write while tripping the fuck out or whatever. I hate the idea that you should always use 100 items. It’s not a round number either, because that feels more natural as well. I came up with 50 and deleted one.
Happy New Year.