The site has been updated. As a reminder, the site will be going down tomorrow as we switch to WordPress. This should not last long. For more information, see this post. In the meantime, have this listicle. Why a listicle? Good question.

hey jerry what’s up

Hey, not too much. Trying to come up with an idea.

for that magazine you write for?

Yep.

maybe buzzfeed it up? like things ppl do in magic that are kinda tacky

That’s an idea. Thanks!

Thanks to my layfriend for this post. These are not in order. Extremely not in order.

#12: Being a move monkey.

When you keep learning new ways to do a diagonal palm shift, you know you’re a move monkey. A move monkey is someone who doesn’t care about efficiency. They don’t care about aesthetic or the experience their participant will undergo. It is about their satisfaction doing sleight of hand that they deem difficult. It’s not about what the person perceives, it’s about feeding that ego, saying “oh yeah I did that diagonal palm shift three times that trick without anyone noticing!”

#11: Adding stars to s**t.

You know what I mean. Most popular on the Green Latrine, this phenomenon is when a magician will write about a gimmick or method but redact almost the entire word with stars. What are you talking about, motherfucker? An invisible dick???

#10: Claiming they invented something original.

Let’s get one thing clear. The shit we put up here on this blog is probably often in Tarbell or The Jinx without us even knowing. Likely something you thought you came up with has been in Tarbell or The Jinx. Most definitely, you’ve paid for an instant download to learn something that was in Tarbell or The Jinx. Sorry to break it to you!

But let’s say it’s not in either of those places. I once saw somebody think they were the first one to originate Gemini Twins, the Fulves classic we’ve written about here. It takes a profoundly complex or unique trick to have a shot at being original, and your self-working dealing trick isn’t gonna be it.

And if you want to release a product? You better fucking ask around. I’m looking at you, Petty. Peter Turner was on this project and didn’t recognize it? Really? Or did you not bother to ask? That’s before we even get into Bob’s trick…

#9: Making people take “souvenirs”.

I don’t know how many times I have to say it, but torn corners of cards and signed cards do not make for a souvenir!

Anything that would be considered random junk outside of the context of a magic trick is not a souvenir, and people only take them to make you feel better about yourself. Even non-junk is unlikely to be a decent souvenir. Think! Use your brain!

#8: Calling a participant a “spectator”.

Did they pick a card? Did they flip a coin? Did they do fucking anything but sit their ass down and watch?

If so, then that’s not a spectator, my friend. It’s okay in casual use. What’s not okay is writing it down in a book, or saying it in a video download. See John Bannon for a great example of someone who uses the term “participant” appropriately who isn’t Andy Jerxmann.

#7: Hackneyed jokes repeated ad nauseum.

“Would you like to change your mind… or are you happy with the one you have?”

“Would you like to see a card trick or a coin trick? …Coin trick? Okay, so card trick it is!”

“Oh, you like that? Just takes no social life and practicing for 500 hours.”

“The card disappears and flies into your pocket… but it doesn’t stop there. It keeps flying until it ends up… back in my pocket.”

“Now that would’ve been a good trick, wouldn’t it?”

Come on, people.

#6: Bigotry.

Look at the demographics of the diaspora of magicians. There’s a reason for that. This doesn’t really fit in the list, or if it did I would put it at #1, but I figure everyone will stop reading before #1 anyway.

#5: Stealing/reusing patter.

Patter will always be better when you’ve written it yourself. Writing your own patter also helps you become a better magician. Especially when you’re doing social magic. Your friends know you. They know the words coming out of your mouth aren’t original.

#4: Not practicing a trick enough before performing it.

Even if it’s a self-worker, you should never do this. If for no other reason than that you haven’t come up with a presentation or original patter yet. Speaking of which…

#3: Zero presentation.

With not a thought whatsoever put into presentation, the magician often will assume that the trick alone is all it takes to get a good reaction, then assume it’s a bad trick when they get a bad reaction. Wrong. Presentation is everything. Presentation can even turn a repetitive overrated trick like the Ambitious Card Routine into a killer.

#2: Avoiding terms like “magician” or “trick”.

“They’re illusions, Michael!”

#1: Breaking promises, not delivering products.

JUSTIN MILLERRRRRRR!!!