Prelude: This post was never published, and for good reason. And it’s a Sunday, not a Wednesday. Anyway, Mark Elsdon saw fit to honor us and especially me by linking to my review of Crazy Sam’s Mind in his yearly wrap-up. As a result, I’m bringing shame upon this website by publishing this piece of crap merely a few hours later while we’re supposed to be on a break. Isn’t it fun to not have a schedule anymore? I’m loving it, guys. Guys? Just me here? Well, here’s the post anyway.

So I didn’t point out that James Hydrick is a pedophile in my review of Crazy Sam’s Mind, and I didn’t point out that I don’t actually explicitly base my presentation around the story of James Hydrick. Look, it was meant to be a review post, not a presentation post. However, given that I called it the James Hydrick Presentation, an admittedly clumsy move, I may as well dedicate another Wednesday post to breaking down this presentation, especially now that I’ve done it a few more times.

Here’s how I actually perform Crazy Sam’s Mind.

I’ve only done this with people who are particularly interested in seeing my magic. Your normal spectator won’t cut it.

Don’t Name James Hydrick

I think I already made it abundantly clear why you shouldn’t name James Hydrick at the top of this post, but Hydrick is a convicted child molester who used his “renown” as a “psychic” to offer classes to children about telekinesis. You can probably guess what that was a front for. He’s still in prison to this day.

I sincerely hope there is nothing in this post that leads you to believe I would ever suggest formulating a presentation that directly acknowledges such a man. Yet, is there nothing to be learned from this monster? He has a compelling story, albeit not a very compelling demonstration of telekinesis.

The Blowing (Of air. Blowing of air. I am so sorry. I can’t think of any other title.)

If you haven’t watched the James Hydrick exposé I linked in the review post, watch it. The full thing this time, not just the ten seconds. It’s great. At the very least, read the Wikipedia page.

Once you’ve seen it, you should understand why this presentation would be nice.

Now rip it off, and make this blowing of air obvious so that the Crazy Sam’s Mind phase will be more of a gut punch! But it will be obvious regardless, because Hydrick’s talent takes a shit ton of practice that you haven’t done.

First you move it with blowing, saying that you learnt this technique from a mystic from a faraway land. Try not to use Oriental stereotypes in the process, if you could.

The blowing will come off as a joke, and that’s when you’ve set the trap. Now you fuck ’em up with Crazy Sam’s Mind as described in the review!

You position the straw so that it’s pointing directly at your lips, and say “Okay, you caught me. I’ve gotten pretty good though… here, look!”

Visualize this and you should quickly realize that the straw won’t be able to roll or move easily at all without first turning if you blow on it.

But, of course, just as you begin to blow on it the second time you instead launch it quite high up into the air, and try to suppress your smirk when they’re gobsmacked by your goof.

Yes, this is a lazy post, because everything under “The Blowing” and in the prelude was written and run past committee in under thirty minutes after I read this week’s Fig. Hopefully this reaches someone who can use it as a result, and this uncharacteristic speed wasn’t for naught.

Love ya! Peace.

PS: You know why I didn’t say Hydrick was a pedophile originally? I did in the first draft, but an AI assistant I tried for the first and only time told me to cut it. I’m not joking.