It may seem crass for a lesbian to give dating advice on a magic blog, especially when the nature of this place means I can’t prove myself as an expert. But, to assert myself for a moment, I’m a very good flirt. I’ve spent many a night going to a bar or a club, finding some stranger to talk to, and ending the night at said stranger’s house. I’ve also been consulted on how to flirt by most of my friends, so I have advice to give. And flirting, or being flirty, or even just being charismatic, is something magicians tend to be absolutely dog-shit at, so I figure I could help some of y’all out with some actual decent advice that doesn’t come from a misogynistic douchebag man. I’ll explain how this all applies to performing towards the end, but first, advice.

You know stock pick-up lines? Those god-awful attempts at compliment and rapport that normally just result in the flirter coming across as awkward, creepy, or cringe? “Are you from Tennessee? Because you’re the only ten I see,” “Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?” “I seem to have lost my phone number. Can I have yours?” That shit? I want to start here, because lines like these are often where people start out when looking to display charisma they’re not confident they have. These lines don’t work, but it’s important to understand why they don’t work. It’s not just because they’re bad or ineffective: it’s because they lack context.

The first rule of good flirting is that it has to live in the moment it’s delivered. A good flirt is a spontaneous flirt, or at least gives the illusion of spontaneity. All of the lines listed above are ones I could turn into effective flirts, but I wouldn’t say them out of the blue unless I was in some way set up for them. Think of flirting as a tennis match. In order to make a proper shot, you need to be set up for it by the other player. Except, in this match, you also need to work on setting up the other player’s shots, because the goal isn’t to win, but to extend the game as long as possible (or, at least, until both players can’t take it anymore and reach over the net to kiss? I don’t know, the metaphor got away from me).

Okay, so, be spontaneous with your flirting, got it. But how does one actually do that? This is the real secret that I try to tell people all the time, what’s actually going on, the hidden knowledge unearthed for the first time by Lisbeth Lastname:

It’s puns. Flirting is puns. If you can make puns, you can flirt. Think about how a situational pun works: in order to effectively pun, one must listen closely to what their interlocutor is saying, not just for its content, but its syntax, its word combinations, its raw sounds. The best puns are often callbacks, references to earlier parts of the conversation, bringing in the wider context of the statement. All in order to create a laugh. Flirting works in the exact same way, it’s just that, instead of giggles, you’re aiming for blushes (or… other reactions). Activate your pun brain and set it on the task of telling your conversation partner how hot they are, and you’ll be on your way.

However, there’s a couple other things to mention: First, attitude and environment. Part of why I haven’t tried to give examples of possible flirts in this essay is that flirt lines sound corny as hell when written down. And that’s because they are corny as hell, really. But! They can still work, if the moment is right. If you’re attracted to someone, you’re going to interpret their statements differently than if they’re some rando. Once you have a rapport established between you, if you start slow and build up to the flirt, the reaction to your line will be infinitely better than if you start cold.

And, finally: directness. Because, while what I said about puns and twisting statements is true, humans tend to be very bad at understanding when they’re being flirted with, and there’s no actual telepaths to tell what you’re thinking, so the best way to get your desired outcome from a night is, at the end of it all, just asking. Again, don’t start there. Talk to people as a person, let things build, get some good lines in there, all of that. But, in all of my time being flirty with people, my most successful line, the thing that’s sealed the deal on the most occasions, has been, “I’d really like to kiss you right now. May I?” I know, it’s bold and bold is scary. But, it does a few important things. One, it’s asking for consent, which is always sexy. Two, it brings up the idea of kissing, a thing they may not have been thinking about, but that they realize they’d want once mentioned. Three, it’s me laying out my intentions with nothing to hide. People can tell when you’re holding back on them, and it doesn’t come off well. And flirting can have a lot of this, because people get really nervous to share their desires lest they face rejection. But man, is it so much better in the long run to just say it and let the cards fall where they may. And you might get rejected. You probably will. A lot. And that’s fine. It’s not a problem with you. You’ll find another chance.

Those are my thoughts on how to flirt. Now to answer the question, why the hell is this on a magic blog? Well, because all of these points have factors that can apply to our performances as magicians, with a bit of adjustment (unless your personality is that you flirt with your audience, which, to be clear, I emphatically do not recommend). The advice on puns, and the analysis of why stock lines don’t work? Think of how many shitty hack lines you’ve seen someone perform, not because the line hasn’t ever worked for anyone, but because it’s clear that the line doesn’t fit the performer or the situation. In an environment where you’re constantly interacting with audience members, whether it be close-up or parlor or engaging your volunteer on stage, it’s vital to keep in the moment and be able to respond to your environment. For attitude, being a performer is a fundamentally different mode of speaking than typical life, and our characters can get away with lines that we couldn’t outside of magic. And on directness, even in an artform where we are necessarily hiding things from our audiences, being as truthful and honest as you can pays dividends. People respond to real, both in magicians and in potential partners. Learn to flirt, and you’ll be a better performer.